Light Bulb Theology

Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty-one; one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

Q: How many Arminians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but it has to be changed again and again.

Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A whole congregation. They need to vote on it!

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change?

Q: How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?
A: No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

Q: How many TV Evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the lightbulb will decide to change itself.

Q: How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

Q: How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least 10 as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They don't know, but they will appoint a commission to discuss it and report back at the next meeting at which time it will be discussed and referred back for further work.

Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They always use candles.

Q: How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This statement was issued: ‘We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted - all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.'

Q: How many Christian counselors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has to be committed to long term change.

Q: How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One; and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing.

Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, and one to go find a national to do the job!